He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. I understand where you are at with this.. Unless he drank to much then he was argumentative and yucky. I asked him to go to a Valentines Day dance and we went. He doesnt pay me a visit at our house- he actually did, 3 times to be exact (there was a celebration in those times). My boyfriend has told me that multiple times and yet we are in the same place months later. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and will be 4 years this August. The effort went after a few months to me doing it all. He said hes not going through something. I dont think he would see it this way at all. After that I had to go home cause it was starting to get dark. I was so upset and sad to know he did that, specially after just having a baby. Im ready to just get out of this soon. We both have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities. On the other hand, if your man is more independent and hes not used Advice? I DO ALL THE LAUNDRY, VACCUMING , DISHES ,MOPPING, ALL THE CLEANING. I cook everyday, wash his clothes, iron them do all the housework and look after the kids. Psychologically, the pressure was destroying me. But after reading the article I realize that Ive just been complaining but I have never taken out the time to ask him, what a healthy happy relationship looks like to him, what his definition of effort is, or what kind of life does he want us to live, with me planning everything for us or what he wants. I used to take accountability for the frequent fights once they started. I absolutely abhor talking to anyone ever. Like by shouting Im gonna get scared or intimated. I so desperately want a date once in a while wether its once a month so we can enjoy each other and so i can feel like hes doing something special with me AND so i wont go crazy spending every moment in the HOUSE. He has no end of time for himself. I dont know what to do. What do you do when your boyfriend hate you so much when he is drunk? Theres a reason why the Geneva Convention bans sleep deprivation as torture What you need to do is make time to get a little bit of rest (and youll actually find that you will become more productive with a little rest too and not have to spend so much time lacking sleep). I stayed in that relationship. Adeli, I was in a long distance relationship for 1 year, so I understand. And I hardly have any money since I am paying for literally everything. He was grateful but got me nothing. He definetly isnt prioritizing me. Then we were living in different countries. Is like he is taking his frustration with having no control at work out on me. He never plans to visit me unless I ask him when hes coming, like he doesnt do anything unless I nag him, and I dont want to be a nagging person so I thought its best we go separate ways and see if we can work it out. he likes to live in the moment as he says. But I just dont have enough energy to even cry sometimes. That same night, we agreed to date. By lack of effort I mean that its almost like pulling teeth to get him to plan weeks ahead to figure out when we will be able to see eachother. I could write a book about the unfolding sh*t show rollercoaster I worried from that start of meeting the man of my dreams would end up being. Im really worried because from October were doing it long distance and Im dreading that if Im not the one to go see him, were not gonna see each other for half a year. Its so annoying because Im a feminist but I just want to feel secure. We dont even hug or kiss anymore because people have always yelled PDA! (Stupid high schoolers) so now he wont do any of it. When Your Husband Still Works With His Ex Affair Partner. Its really hard, but Im trying. Actually they havnt shared any sexual pictures or that was not very sexual conversation. So if it really werent for zoey (our dog) I wouldnt have gone on that second date with him (because I just cant say no to seeing puppies). Hi im kushi, 25yrs old.. My boyfriend and I have been in our relationship for 3yrs now.. Hes never been married no kids etc. I pay d bills, I buy him stuffs give him money, I practically do everything in d relationship . And dont get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with him regardless, it just got really boring and frustrating after half a year. he would nvr go out of his way to do anything for me now and it makes me wonder why because what am i lacking? I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. My boyfriend and me zoomed and emailed and he moved from job to job. We fight a lot almost every week because my needs are not met. One particularly painful reason that a partner has checked out could be that they've lost interest in the relationship and don't wish to pursue it any longer. Been with my a few years. If he wants to make an effort to come visit you a few times you can see hes pulling his weight. He dresses professionally. This time, it doesnt feel like it will. I got so angry and disappointed after that. This is where my first question comes in: how well do you know your boyfriend? Before that weve only met to chat, watch a movie or take a walk. He didnt want to and i ended up cheating. Then keep being the fabulous person that you are. Hi girl, Im in the same situation right now. Of all the relationships you have, I was the best one, I did everything for you and this is how you pay me back. He has been better now and takes time to analyze his intention before he says more. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below! At the beginning, I was super in love with him and I would put in so much effort. Thats something you need to know. I literally had to make the dinner reservation for us. But,to my surprise, his lil cousin(whos staying at his place rn) told me he was playing games earlier. m tired n dont know what to do anymore! Just stop talking to him and stop making so much effort. But i couldnt regain my trust for him again. and even whn im thr at his place, he would play his game until its time to sleep and then repeat the same thing everyday. But we should start taking care of ourselves more. We both have made developments and decided to let go of our bad past. Oddly enough he always deflects- citing the behavior hes guilty of against me like Im the one doing what he is.? i just dump my 2mnths loveless relationship before it gets deeper. He calls me stupid n crazy. We do not even live together and he puts no effort, and I think throughout the years it would get worse if we get married, or live together. We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. I used to brag up the fact that he was one of those guys who would actually reply to all of a lengthy message so to speak but lately he ignores a lot of whats said as if he just doesnt care. Lately, it feels like we fight all the time. COMPROMISE but just be sure its not all on your side. NO AFFECTION. Then rock bottom hits, I ended up having to go to urgent care bc of an allergic reaction to a flu shot I had gotten. He apologized but I was just so hurt. He knows more about me than I do apparently. Any advice would be helpful to me. funny and stupid for I was foolish to be trapped with his flowering words. It is almost like I was forcing him to show that he cared. I cleaned his puke and poop from damn near halfway up our bathroom walls from when he got e.coli a few weeks ago, but we have a housing inspection on the 28th and my house looks like a storage unit and its filthy! You name it he does it. My boyfriend got busy with his work, which is busier due to quarantine, and stopped putting in his usual thoughtful effort, so I stopped putting out, and now Im about to break up with him. My guy is the same way. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. Men just are good at keeping it closed up. I couldnt reciprocate kisses or hugs. yes, I did reply. I allowed his lack of effort to continue for far too long. Also said he is feeling low and has issues with his father (this something he always tell me tbh)He hasnt called me yet tho he promised he would. And he is never sorry because he can justify it no matter how stupid. We are doing thanksgiving together. I am alone in this relationship.? I love him very much, he often talks about our future, kids and stuff but he isnt willing to do any sacrifices for the relationship. You deserve so much more. He has not made me do any of this. I have told him many times that he doesnt care about me, and he always says that he loves me. i refused saying that I am already busy, in which I am and I told him quit rankly i need you to plan before hand and so we can both be free. And cant make money, i have no car! He got a job and now works from right after school until 8:30, six days a week. Text messages are very slow to respond, I dont text him ten times a day either. But what?! His daughter really likes me. He told me he still wanted me and he loved me so i started talking to him again but things still felt weird. He didnt even make an effort to see me or plan anything the week before he went out of town. Its just hard because he watches my son while Im at work and my sons dad is working out of town for a month on and a week off. Am I being needy too much? But I genuinely hope this would be of help (to you and to anyone whos going through a similar scenario). You should definitely read the book why men love b*tches this really goes into depth on why men do that. Were both not yet married with our partners since both of our relationship with our partners is not okay. Start by letting go slowly. Such as examples of what he did made you feel a certain way and what was the real reason he did that? I guess i just want everything i had before and i want to feel the efforts made as they were before. There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. Im pretty sure hell tell me I cant really go because its just an alumni weekend. Feel so down on a Friday night. And also i didnt want to behave with him like that.but i loved him so much and i did every thing i can di for him. I felt like I would never find anyone else who would want me, this douche bag was as good as I was ever going to get. Especially since he cant even deliver the bare minimum in this relationship. Its just so sad because we have already talked about these no showing of efforts issue and up until this day it is still the same. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. His answer was, Havent I been patient enough? He did go a bit out of the way for Valentines day but last week our first date night since my bday in Jan didnt go quite as well as hoped and as usual, despite saying well just finish where we left off later, that turned into never. I feel like I could spend my life with him if it were not for one issue that has always popped up. when i make plans to go out tgt w him he will in the end cancel it and i feel so fked up. i know i should understand his busy schedule. 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